i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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