Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
