Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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