I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
