My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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