Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Holy sore nipples Batman
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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