im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
