so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
