smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
