I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
