piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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