This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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