I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
