If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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