if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
