I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
