my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
