even my farts smell like vagina
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
