you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
