remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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