I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
