she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
