He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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