I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
