After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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