So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
