if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
