You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
