So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
