the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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