MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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