I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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