Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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