Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
