Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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