considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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