if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
