Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
