I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
