Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
