ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
