my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
