i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
