She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
