If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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