I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
wow bdsm is so cute
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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