She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
