..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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