were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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