And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
