true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
