Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
