So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Watching her eat just hurts me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
