we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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